1. a coming into place, view, or being; arrival:
It is December and the world over people are celebrating and commemorating advent. They are awaiting the celebration of the arrival of Christ. But, December and advent both have another meaning for me. It is still the celebration of an arrival… or having come into place. However, this advent is not in reference to Christ. This advent is in commemoration and reflection of my arrival of freedom and it finally coming into place.
On December 10, 2001, I wrote a short and succinct letter to my parents stating that they were no longer welcome in my life. I wished them no ill will, but I was claiming my life for myself and moving forward from the dysfunction that surrounded our relationship. My life to that point had been spent within their abusive ways and feeding into their cycles of dysfunction. I had in the past tried to break away and had been unsuccessful, but this time was firm. And this time, I broke free. It has now been thirteen years with no contact as I have moved forward.
Of course, my freedom’s advent brings bittersweet tones with it. I am stronger, healthier, and able to provide for my child what was never provided for me. But, this is December and I am parentless by choice. This is a time of year when we see the dream of familial love more clearly and find this dream very close wherever we go. There is also a guilt that can pull at your core of how you are diminishing their holiday experience through your actions… a co-dependent calling card from years gone by. Almost like I have to fix everything as an adult like I did as a child. Nonetheless, I rationalize and I reflect on freedom and why I had to put that freedom into place. And I remind myself that families exist in many forms, and your true family would never dim your freedom.
There is, of course, the most important reason for me to reflect on my freedom’s advent and maintain the boundaries that I have established. That reason is my son. As his momma, I am to protect him. At his tender young age, he deserves a momma with freedom put into place and who is free of dysfunction so she can provide the most loving home possible. And this is reason to celebrate my freedom’s advent.
To you, as you read this, I wish you joy this holiday season and a reason to celebrate the coming into place of something wonderful.